Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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