i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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