she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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