if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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