ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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