Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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