My nipple is on Facebook.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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