dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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