Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We are two peas in an std pod
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
