Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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