nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
