Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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