We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
