ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
