He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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