Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
