He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
