He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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