I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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