the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
