I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
