just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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