Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
