Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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