Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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