I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize