there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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