it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
