I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
