It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it