i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits