Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...