she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10