omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
