I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
