u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
