You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
