remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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