I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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