i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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