he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
