I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My sheets look like a crime scene.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
