Kiss
Puke
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
