Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
