the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
