at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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