Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
