I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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