I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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