If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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