I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
