i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
