at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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