I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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