U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
