Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
