Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
