We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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