What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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