What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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