I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize