Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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