WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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