So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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